Facing my Fear…BEING ALONE

These past 10 days have been extremely interesting, fun, difficult, and rewarding….Let me take you back a little bit…

I have never been one that is good with being alone. EVER. I hate to sit in silence, by myself…I just need to be around people. This is a good thing and a bad thing. I am extremely extroverted, love being social and being around others, and adventuring, BUT sometimes I need to sit by myself and learn to love myself without any distractions. These past ten days I visited my best friend from high school, Claire, in San Luis Obispo. The first few days she took off work so we hiked, adventured, and had a blast! Then, Monday rolled around and 6 hours stood there and waited for me…to be alone…by myself…without anyone. Some would be super excited about this, but honestly I was nervous. I’ve never been good at just being alone,, but I was going to learn a lot this week and I was ready to face my fears.

Monday was interesting, I journaled in the morning, prayed that God would bless my week as I sipped some coffee. After that I decided to go down to Avila Beach by myself to a cute coffee shop called Kracken Coffee. I did some work there on my laptop for about 3 hours and then headed back to Claire’s apartment… “that wasn’t so bad,” I thought to myself. As Tuesday rolled around I started to feel uncomfortable with being alone. When I am alone I start to think, I think about everything, especially my body, BUT I knew that I needed to give it up to God, so that is what I did and I want to tell you that this past week He met me in INCREDIBLE ways. When I get stressed, anxious, nervous, or upset I either restrict my food, or I want to eat everything! I started feeling these uncomfortable emotions and started to think about what God was trying to teach my through this quiet time.

I definitely think he was teaching me how to be alone and to give my burdens to him, to stop worrying about my body, food, and myself basically. During the beginning of the week I kept asking God for peace and serenity, which He gave me. I was able to walk around downtown, go to the beach, and read ALONE! Let me tell ya, it wasn’t easy, and I am still learning, but I am beginning to start to understand who I am, what I want, and who I want to be. I didn’t have any distractions, I got to read the books I wanted to read, do the things I wanted to do, and be alone with God….I’ve never really done that before! I have always been a people pleaser, so I tend to do things that everyone else wants to do…but this time…it was just ME!

I listened to music, danced around in the apartment by myself, cooked, read, drew, made a tapestry for Claire and her roommates, went thrifting, and most importantly spent time with God. It was a beautiful experience and now I know how vital it is to spend time practicing self-care.

My favorite God moments :

I had listened to a podcast my mom had sent me about a woman who rescues horses and she set up a therapy camp for troubled kids…it talked about how God speaks to us through animals and I definitely experienced that all week. Every animal that I saw was so peaceful and still right next to me! Like they were all pets!

A lizard let me pet it (crazy I know!)…a squirrel let me take it’s picture up close…baby horses came to me and kissed me…a grown horse actually laid his head on me like he was hugging me!…deer were everywhere…wild turkeys were on the trail that I ran….birds flew and hawks soared overhead…bunnies hopped around….dogs excitedly wagged their tails as I pet them…I met Gantin a huge great dane that was so sweet…and to top it off…I got to ride Cindy, a beautiful horse, on the beach and through trails of vibrant orange flowers! God is SO amazing! If we just listen and open our eyes, He is there, He shows up in mysterious ways. I’ve always been an animal lover, but wow, was it amazing to hear God speaking peace to me through these amazing animals.

It’s been a while since I have been able to hear God’s voice, but it’s probably because I don’t like to sit in silence. How can I hear Him if I’m not quiet? Well, I definitely heard Him in the time that I was silent!! This past week God spoke to me through His creations and reminded how important I am.

He reminded me of the verse, “Therefore I tell you, DO NOT WORRY ABOUT YOUR LIFE, what you will eat or drink, or ABOUT YOUR BODY, what you will wear. Is life not MORE IMPORTANT THAN FOOD and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much MORE VALUABLE THAN THEY?.” Matthew 6:25-26

God was specifically telling me NOT to worry about my body!!!! It’s crazy! And He reminded me that he takes care of the birds and other animals, and am I not more important than they are?!!!

God is absolutely incredible and he met me in amazing ways this past week. I pray that if you are like me, that you don’t worry about your body, or what you wear, or what you look like, but remember that you are God’s child and He created you in His image. You are SO IMPORTANT! Take time to sit in silence and hear God’s words, trust me….it WON’T LET YOU DOWN ❤

XOXO

-B

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