I know it’s been a little bit, but I needed to take my own advice from the past blog post about “burnout” and try to rest, recover, and rejuvenate. I had two speaking gigs for my middle school and my home church. I was so excited to devote my energy to that and bless kids that are in the same situation that I used to be when I was there age. The time I was able to share my story with them was absolutely life-giving! After speaking at both places kids came up to me with big smiles on their faces saying “Thank you for being here, you were our favorite speaker.” That was absolutely amazing to hear and I felt it in the moment that God truly used me to bless them, but for some reason I was struggling with the feelings of inadequacy and unimportance. I know that God used me in their lives, but the lies kept coming in that I could “have done better” or “been better.”
I noticed after the speaking gigs, that I was left me burnout and exhausted. I gave, gave, gave, but I had nothing left in me for myself, so I realized I needed some time to rest in God’s love and grace and recuperate. The rest has been well-needed and the quiet of summer has left me with ample time to think about who I am, who I want to be, and where I am at mentally and physically. To be honest I wasn’t doing mentally well, I was struggling with dreams from binging and purging (dreams I have not had since the eating disorder) that were aroused from stress in my life. My mind is a powerful thing and it can spiral out of control if I don’t take the time to get back on track with affirmations and self care. These past weeks have taught me so much and I am so excited to begin to keep sharing my life experiences and advice with you all.
I saw this quote and it made me smile, “There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection, to me, that is the true essence of beauty.”
As I go about this week, I am constantly going to remind myself to be unapologetically me. I hope that you know that you can too! If these past few weeks got you down like they got me and you were left burnout and exhausted, remember that you can be comfortable in your perfect imperfection and you do not need to BE anything for this world. I know that I was struggling with that fact that I wasn’t enough or I needed to BE something amazing for this world, but I am still learning to just be, to be present where I am at, to be happy with my circumstances, and to be comfortable with who I am.
I love you all so much and I hope you are doing well ❤